we are small, but the universe is not.

HANG THE STARS

jo's cdj & journal


You found me! This journal is a profile archive and occasionally an actual journal. It's friend's only, and I'll generally add people I'm in games with. My CDJ used to be ~heartlight.

I live on the east coast of the USA (EST), and am around nights and weekends, if I feel like it.

June 2018

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Jan. 29th, 2030

journals for sale

I'm making sure that I'm never tempted to come back and RP on IJ in the future, so I'm selling off my usernames. Plus, like, who doesn't have bills? I have bills.

So here's the deal:

Journals without invite codes - $3
Journals WITH invite codes - $4

journals i'm selling )
Tags:

Jun. 18th, 2018

So it's been a year+ since I've been in communities on IJ and I'm not coming back. Pretty much ever. I realized after a few months to a year after leaving the server for good how miserable I was when I was playing on here. I met some amazing people who are some of my best real life friends now, but I also met people who abused my trust, gaslit me, and broke my heart.

This environment is not a good one. If that upsets people then that's unfortunate; for me, it was true. Especially now, games are a breeding ground for emotional manipulation. People take stupid shit too seriously, or they expect way too much out of other people when it comes to a hobby, and honestly sometimes these places are a little culty. You're going to meet manipulative people basically everywhere, and that's never a good thing, but too many of y'all use RP to work out whatever emotional damage you've got and you turn it into a weapon.

I had been treading water here since The 100 closed. In hindsight, that's the game that broke me. I'm still hurting. I'm still upset at the way I was treated, the way my friends were treated. Unfortunately, the main problem that it had -- that people who were actively emotionally abusing other players were favored -- is a problem that a lot of games have now, and maybe have always had, where rules against bad behavior were never enforced because the first "offense" was considered pointing out a problem rather than causing the original issue.

I can't be in that environment. I've contributed to that environment, and it disgusts me. I've let emotional abuse run rampant in my own communities because I bought into the abuser's victim-y bullshit, because they used the right language to paint their victims as being ableist or somehow prejudiced against them so they could weasel out of consequences for their own shitty behavior. I've been the victim of it, and I've had my better nature taken advantage of because I was willing to forgive things that I shouldn't have. This community is so small, and so rarely outright rejects shitty people, that it is almost impossible for me to go into a game or start a game without either tripping over someone I know is bad news or meeting someone new who's just as awful.

My brain is going through the same process of letting go of IJ that it did when I broke up with an abusive ex or stopped speaking to abusive friends. It's been a long process, and I'm still traumatized by some of the shit you people on this hellsite have done to me. It's harder for me to trust people in real life because of it.



Comments are disabled on this because no. If you have my email address and you have beef with what I've said here, you can contact me about it if you really want to get into it. Which you don't. I promise you don't.

Dec. 11th, 2015

Hi everyone! Tonight I started up [info]vhenans, to put memes, link dumps, meta posts and discussions, and whatever else seems cool. Feel free to mosey on over there and check it out. :D